We wouldn't like you to think that because we're grumpy, we don't know how to have a laugh from time to time - we do.
In fact, we had a whale of a time last week hearing about the mess the National Black Police Association got itself into.
Delegates attending the opening day of the organisation's national conference were expecting a keynote speech from David Davis, the ex-shadow Home Secretary and champion of civil liberties.
Unfortunately spelling wasn't high on the list of priorities for the organisers of this peculiar event. Their star attraction duly took to the stage but turned out to be the wrong Conservative backbench MP - instead of David Davis, the event's organisers had somehow invited David Davies, the little-known Tory member for Monmouth who happens to sit on the Commons home affairs select committee.
Mass confusion and no little embarrassment in the ranks turned to astonishment when the 38-year-old MP, elected to Westminster in 2005, began to speak. Mr Davies, already developing a reputation for his hang 'em and flog 'em approach to law and order, had decided to accuse the National Black Police Association (NBPA) of being racist for denying membership to white officers.
"To me, it is a shame that full membership of the BPA is open only to those of black, Asian or Middle Eastern origin," he began. "Tackling racism and unfair treatment of ethnic minorities is something which is taken seriously by members of every race in the police force and yet the clear implication is that white people do not share this concern.
"It could be argued that this policy is explicitly racist, in that it bars white people, and implicitly racist in suggesting that white people care less about racism than people of black, Middle Eastern, Asian or African origin."
Warming to his theme, Mr Davies suggested that the NBPA's membership policy "would be unacceptable and probably illegal in virtually any other organisation in this country".
The MP, who himself serves as a special constable in London, proceeded to offer the association some helpful advice on taking alleged cases of racial discrimination to employment tribunals. It would be a good idea, he suggested, to "try to establish the veracity of claims being made by the applicant before taking matters to the courts".
"It is human nature that if we are denied a promotion, we find it easier to convince ourselves and others that our race, religion, sex or sexual orientation is to blame, rather than our abilities." The most senior Muslim police officer in England, Metropolitan Police Assistant Commissioner Tarique Ghaffur, is currently pursuing a race discrimination case against the force over, among other issues, its failure to promote him.
Unfortunately Mr.Ghaffur was not present, and missed Mr.Davies's tip that "an organisation which brings forward unfounded or vexatious claims risks its own reputation and its ability to help people who genuinely need it".
However, Ali Dizaei, the Met Commander - currently suspended over misconduct allegations - who is also the BNPA president, was present in the conference hall to hear Mr.Davies' final words of wisdom. They focused on the Metropolitan Black Police Association's recent decision, in response to Mr Dizaei's suspension, to demand that all potential ethnic minority recruits should boycott the force: "As a result ... the BPA has become the only publicly-funded organisation to say that the police should be for whites only."
At the end of Mr.Davies' speech the knee-jerk reactions quickly began. Dave Macfarlane, general secretary of the NBPA's London branch, stood up to accuse the MP of being "like the BNP in the 1980s". "I'm sick and tired of white people coming here to insult us," he said.
Another delegate, Vinny Tomlinson, from Merseyside, suggested that Mr Davies had displayed an astonishing "ignorance and immaturity in his lack of understanding of racial issues".
But Mr.Davies was unrepentant. "You invited me to come here," he said. "If you wanted someone just to turn up and give the same old speech, you should have picked somebody else."
No doubt next year they will. There's nothing bigots hate so much as someone who speaks plainly about their bigotry. Be they environmental bigots, or racial bigots, or minority bigots, or homosexual bigots, they don't like it up 'em. Well, I suppose the homosexual bigots might …
The GOS says: There is a deep and inexplicable flaw in all this.
When I was at university, there was a Student Union open to all students in the university regardless of their gender. But a few doors down the road there was also a "Women Students' Union" where men were not allowed. In my youthful naïveté I felt deeply hurt that my female colleagues should demand a place where they could go to get away from me, while denying me the same privilege.
The same is true with these policemen. Why exactly should there be an association for black policemen? There isn't one for white policemen - imagine the furore that would result if anyone suggested it! There isn't one for gay policemen, or ginger policemen, or policemen called Dave, so why is there one for policemen who are black?
You'll notice that with my usual tact and delicacy I refrain from pointing out that most of the policemen in the Black Police Association aren't black at all, but various shades of brown. Perhaps there ought to be a Brown Police Association, and a Slightly Darker Shade of Brown Police Association, and … well, you get the point.
But that doesn't address the real nub of the question, does it? The fact is that by running an association that must by its very nature exclude white officers, they are practising racial discrimination.
And that's illegal, isn't it?
either on this site or on the World Wide Web.
Copyright © 2008 The GOS
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